“Did you break up with him or did he break up with you?” I asked here the next day during lunch.
“Neither of us made it, like, official. He just started being a real ass after that night.”
“’Cause guys are assholes. Once they get what they want, the fun is over and they go out to find someone new.
“Wait,” I said. “If that’s how he is, then why didn’t he take off the first time you slept with him?”
“That was the first time.”
“What about all the time you guys always spent in his room?”
“So? We never did it.”
“But you said that you did … “
“I never said I did. You and Lisa just figured I did because I never said that I didn’t.”
I thought about what she said for a minute. It made sense, but I still didn’t believe she never slept with Steve before that night.
“Well,” I said. “How come you never said that you didn’t?”
“I don’t know.”
“Did you want us to think you had?”
“I didn’t really care what you guys thought. ‘Cause I figured you thought I was screwing him anyway.”
“I wouldn’t have thought you were if you said you weren’t.”
“It doesn’t matter now,” she said. “It’s all over anyway.”
“Lisa and Kevin are in a big fight now, too.”
I know it’s because of the game. I never should have played.
“Lisa told me she asked Kevin what you two did in Steve’s room and he said that nothing happened. But he told Steve and Ron that something did and …”
“What did he tell them?”
“I don’t know.”
“Tell me,” I demanded. “I know you know.”
Paula took a deep breath. “You want it put nicely or do you want exact words?”
“Just tell me what he said!”
“He said he fucked you.”
“What a prick!”
“Didn’t you two do it?”
“He came before he even got it out of his pants,” I lied.
Yeah. So why are they in a fight?”
“I guess Ron told Lisa that you guys had screwed and she got pissed at him.”
“I bet Lisa’s all mad at me now, hunh?”
“No,” Paula said. “She said you guys were talking in the kitchen and she told you it was just a game and you should play along.”
“Then why is she pissed at Kevin? He was just playing too.”
“I guess she didn’t think he’d do anything.”
“But she thought I would?”
The way Paula looked at me I knew I was right. Lisa probably thought I was just a basic tramp and she expected me to screw her boyfriend. How can you be mad at someone who’s just following her instincts?
“I don’t know,” Paula said, just as the bell rang ending lunch. She tossed her apple core at a trash can, missed and hit a girl in the head.
Paula winced. “Sorry!” she called.
The girl just turned and stared at us for a moment and then flounced off down the hall.
“If looks could kill …” she said.
“You’d be dead.”
We both laughed and headed off to class.
The teacher droned on and on about something that had happened to George Washington, but I didn’t listen. The man had been dead for 200 years and I really didn’t care what he had done.
I thought about Lisa and Kevin and the whole mess. I hoped that no one else had heard about that night. Paula and I both agreed not to tell anyone, but there was no way we could keep the rest of their mouths shut.
Somehow I felt that Lisa and Kevin’s break up was my fault. I don’t know why. I hadn’t told anyone what had happened, Kevin was the one who lied about the whole thing.
But I was the girl, and when things get too hot and heavy I was supposed to say “no.” What if I hadn’t done anything at all? He would have said that I did anyway. No matter what, I come out the loser. He was a stud because he was with another girl while his girlfriend was in the next room, but I was a slut because I was with him.
Then I realized that it didn’t matter what I did, because people would say and believe what they wanted to. Even if I tried to explain, they would believe the worst simply because it’s more interesting.
Another reputation bites the dust! A victim of teenage gossip! I knew I wasn’t completely innocent, I’d gone down on Kevin. But that was easier to deny, I just had to do what Lisa did. I could say I thought it was disgusting and that I’d never do that. People would believe that because a lot of girls feel that way.
But who would walk around saying that nothing had happened, and she would never do that because she thought screwing a guy was disgusting? Not me! I’d rather have a reputation as a tramp than a dyke! At least you get more dates the first way.
Maybe there was nothing to worry about. Maybe it would stay a secret between the six of us. And if they do say anything, not too many people that I knew would find out. Paula and I were the only ones still in school, and we weren’t going to tell anyone. And if they do find out, who really cared? I’d be graduating in June and none of this was important after high school anyway.
To be continued …