BOATS – Part 3

BOATS - True Story 04“My daddy’s a fireman! What’s yours?”

“I don’t have a daddy.”

“What does your mommy do?”

“She’s the beer-bong champion of the world!”

Good luck, kid …

Karen pulled a mirror out from under the bed, and Steve went to work. Just as Karen was about to do her lines, the baby woke up and started crying. Karen did a couple of lines, then picked up the pacifier from the floor, tried to pick off some of the carpet fuzz and stuck it in the baby’s mouth.

Then she was back and ready for her turn again.

Paula, Lisa and I finished out half and waited for the others to finish. When they were done, we went back into the living room.

We found that the people out there had given up on their drinking games and had settled for just pot. All the windows and doors had been closed to keep the smell in, so the living room was thick with the smoke and smell of pot.

“Lively crowd,” I said to Lisa as we looked at all the people vegging out.

“It would be more fun at a morgue.”

“Let’s see if the guys want to do to that other party,” Paula said.

“Naw, we’re all out of cola,” Lisa reminded her.

“So, we’ll get Steve to go back to his house with us and get more.”

“We already spent all our money,” I told her.

“So?” Lisa said, “Kevin and Steve are both totally wasted. Kevin’ll buy it for us and Steve will give us a discount.”

“Right,” Paula said. “Let’s go!”

“Hang on a minute,” I said. “Let them get a little higher first.”

When we decided they were high enough to do what we wanted, we told them we wanted to go to the other party.

“I got some business to take care of here,” Steve said. “But go back to my apartment and wait for us there.”

Steve handed the key to Paula. He had to be extremely high, he never let anyone inside his apartment when he wasn’t there.

“There’s beer in the ‘fridge and I expect to find you all naked in my bed when I get there,” Steve said smiling.

“Well, then you better hurry, ’cause we’ll get cold if we have to sit around naked for too long,” Paula said and gave Steve a quick kiss before we left.

At Steve’s apartment we all grabbed a beer and went in Steve’s room and laid down on the bed, fully clothed, to wait.

“Wouldn’t it freak him out if we all were really naked and waiting for him?” I said.

“He’s mine, Alex,” Paula said. “And if anyone’s gonna be naked it’ll be me.”


“I’d get naked for Ron,” Lisa said slyly.

“I thought you were totally in love with Kevin,” Paula said.

“I am,” Lisa told her. “I mean, I’d marry him right now if he asked me …”

“As long as you could have Ron on the said,” I said.

“I’m sure!” Lisa said. “I just think he has a nice body.”

“No way,” I said. Kevin’s body is way better than Ron’s.”

“I like Ron’s, too,” Paula said. “He’s got a nice ass.”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “He’s the best as far as asses go. But he doesn’t have any muscle.”

We laid there arguing about who had the best body for quite a while before the guys came back.

“Paula,” Steve called. “Are you here?”

“We’re in your room,” Paula called back.

We heard running footsteps and then Steve came bursting through the door and dove onto the bed.

“Aw,” he said. “You’re not naked.”

“Paula was being selfish,” Lisa said. “She said we had to go out and get our own.”

Steve smiled, “That’s ’cause she knows I’ve got enough for all of you and she wants it all to herself.”

Then Kevin and Ron walked in.

“Steve, you bullshitter,” Ron said. “You told us there were gonna be naked women here.”

“There are,” Kevin said. “Under all those clothes, these girls are completely naked!”

“Shut up, you guys,” I said. “What took you so long to get here?”

“We stopped to talk to some people. They said that other party got busted.”

“Damn,” Lisa said. “What do you wanna do now?”

“Let’s have an orgy!” Steve yelled.

“Yeah,” Ron agreed.

“Sounds good to me,” Kevin said.

“I’m sure!” I said. “How come guys get so horny when they’re high?”

“We’re horny all the time,” Ron said. “But when we’re high, we don’t care who knows it.”

“You get horny when you’re high, too,” Steve said to Paula.

“Yeah, but girls have too much class to tell everyone.”

“You told me.”

“You’re not everyone,” she said.

“But now we all know,” Ron said.

“We’re gonna have to do something about this,” Steve said. “We can’t all sit around and just stare at each other.”

“What do you want to do?” Lisa asked. “Play post office?”

“Better than that,” he said. “We all pick a number, one to three, and who ever’s numbers match, get to be with each other.”

“What if me and Paula get the same number?” I asked.

“Then we won’t play,” Paula said.
“No,” Kevin said. “The guys all pick a number and then the girls all pick one.”

Paula and Lisa and I looked at each other. “You wanna do it?” Lisa asked us.

“I will if you will,” Paula said.

“Let’s go for it,” Lisa said.

“Alright,” Paula nodded.

“Okay,” I said warily, and hoped that I didn’t end up with Steve.

“Steve got pieces of paper and wrote down the numbers. He folded them up and held them in his hand. Lisa picked forst, she was number three. Paula got one and I was too.”

Then the guys chose.

“I got number one,” Steve said.

“You and Paula cheated,” Kevin said.

“Shut-up, man. You’re just jealous. Pick a number.”

Kevin picked up a piece of paper and unfolded it. He looked at Lisa, “I got number two,” he said. They both looked at me.

“Lisa,” I said. “If you don’t want me to be with him …”

She looked at Kevin. “We gotta go by the rules,” she said. “That means I get Ron.”

“We’re number one,” Steve said. “That means we go first. You guys get out of here.”

We left the bedroom and closed the door. Lisa and I went in the kitchen to get a drink.

To be continued …

This entry was posted in Alcohol, Based On A True Story, BOATS, Drugs, Terribly Earnest and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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